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Please STOP People Pleasing

Updated: Nov 7, 2020

Sounds like such a pleasant phrase...I like to please people. Who would have thought how destructive this type of behavior can be to the mind, body and spirit?!?!

If you can’t stand to let someone else down, you may be a people pleaser.

When you say “yes” when you really mean “no”, you may be a people pleaser.

If you give someone an excuse rather than just say “no”, you may be a people pleaser.

When you think giving someone something, means they now owe you something in return, you may be a people pleaser.

If you sacrifice you own well-being so someone else can have what they want, you are most likely a people pleaser.

People pleasers end up being dishonest…they lie.

People pleasers are not authentic….they are fake.

People pleasers are exhausted all the time…they waste their energy.

People pleasers are full of regret…they think they have no control.

Let’s look at some thoughts, ideas and beliefs that may not be serving you…

Adults are not responsible for other adult’s happiness – you cannot control how another person thinks, feels or acts. We are each responsible for our own needs and emotions, including happiness. No one can take away our happiness. No one can give us happiness. We can only find happiness (or any emotion) within our own heart and mind.

Trying to make someone else think, feel or do something you want is controlling. Sure you can ask, but don't blame your disappointment or your happiness on the response you get. If someone does something nice for you, you don’t owe them anything in return…if they do want something in return, that is a manipulation, they are not just trying to be nice. Loving actions always come from a loving, compassionate, grateful, abundant place, not fear, manipulation or a controlling place. Learning to understand the difference is key.

No one can make you responsible for how they feel – that is on them. If you say “no” and they are disappointed, that is their feeling to feel, you cannot manage someone else’s emotions. Most people would prefer you were honest with them, rather than have you lie and string them along…wouldn’t you? Saying yes, when you really mean no, is not being nice – it’s lying, it’s being fake, it’s being inauthentic, it’s exhausting, it’s soul crushing, and it can become an automatic habitual response. Saying what you actually think and feel is freedom - freedom for your heart and mind. It's also freedom for the other person because now they get to make their decisions based on reality.

Focusing on someone else’s needs rather than your own, leaves you in a perpetual state of people pleasing. You become like a dependent child, who needs someone else to make you happy and fulfill your needs. Blaming others for how you think, feel and act is giving away your power.

If you’ve identified yourself as a people pleaser, congratulations – you’ve just started managing your mind. The fastest way to identify the root cause and eliminate this bad habit is through hypnosis. Through hypnotherapy, you can clean up all of this thinking and come to all your relationships from a clean place, an honest place, a true place…and just watch how your life changes.

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